saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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