nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
