I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
