weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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