i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
