her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
