well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
