you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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