I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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