I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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