We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
