Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
