i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
