is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
