I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
