Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
