Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
