remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
