I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
