halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
