I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
