just tell him i said nine months
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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