Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
