my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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