how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
