When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
