I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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