my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
