I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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