Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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