i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
