at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
