Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
