I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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