Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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