I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
