Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
