take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
