How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
