I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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