gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
