I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
