I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
