If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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