I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
