Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
