I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
