I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
