I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
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