I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
