Screwed.edu
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
