i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
