Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
