i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How's work?
Spinning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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